Naked Thoughts over MTB

I’ve decided to spend this Saturday night letting my beige sheets feel up my ass. It makes up for the last time my bed has felt the flesh of sex. And that’s been a long time. Meeting my eye is Diddy slaving the kids on MTV – I think I hear my flakes drowning in the white sea – he’s puffed with machismo, they’re empty with hope. Did I really just catch myself swaying to Danny, wait no, Donnie’s joint?. Boom kat kat! I love Laurie Anne – milk slid down my lip – she’s a tiger and her new haircut is worthy of joccin. Damn, commercial. Hayden Pannewhatever…rainbow reggae? Really? It’s making me feel uncomfortable and that noass shot didn’t help. :( Aubrey better watch out she’s about to morph into that chick from I Love Money. Maybe it already started. Did her eyebrows burn off? I still like her. Wait – Dr. Love? Really Long Island? Actually there’s something soft and comforting about those awkwardly hunched shoulders. Nice spin Que – I like finding lost cranberries in my bowl – wait he’s gay I think. Isn’t everybody? Half or whole. Rarely skim. Now seriously who is Russell Brand? Wait.

Russell Edward Brand^[1] (born June 4, 1975) is an English comedian, actor, columnist and presenter of radio andtelevision.

Oh okay.

I want a freaking wikipedia entry! Wait.

There is no page titled “tracy garraud”.

fuckapedia! It aint legit anyway.

Is Aubrey turning Diddy on? Nah, not enough androgyny. 

Show’s done???? MTV’s Top Pop Group???? Ha! I’d rather coat my nudity in black and call it a night.

Tiny Timb?

Jesse McCartney. Never cared for the lil rabbit, but ever since I interviewed him earlier this yr, he’s been surprising me with some random gifts. And they’re not the type you scoop. Peep below’s joint for instance. Dude’s covering T-Pain’s ‘Buy You A Drink’. That’s a bold look. A good look. Especially because JM’s satin vocals are a reminder that Teddy P has yet to convince me that he is a singer. But then again McCartney has yet to convince me that he is Timberlake. Hmm. Maybe power lies in what is not? Whatever the case, this is solid and dare I say inviting. Watch and pay me with thoughts.

[!] Have you ever seen more miserable back-up singers? Cheer up charlies, Justin will be on tour next year.

paul simon heals all

Sigh. Such a dope joint.

The L Word

I’m a whore for lists. I will find any reason to create one. Any. It’s 2:15pm on a Thursday. That’s a good reason to create a list. Alright lets go!

5 Foods Every Fatty Should Die Eating

5. T.G.I. Friday’s Cheddar & Bacon Potato Skins - “You’re going to die from a heart attack.” Correction.  You’re going to die from a happy heart. <3 = :)

4. Neuhaus Belgian Chocolate - For fatties with exquisite taste who’d rather spend their last 5 minutes licking wrappers, then kissing parents.

3. Philippine Brand Dried Mangoes - An exotic orgasm, seared and ready for eating. Heaven before heaven, yum!

2. Joya’s Chicken Pad Thai (minus the bean sprouts) – Slippery flat noodles wet with spices and sweets. Man, who wouldn’t want to peace with bulging cheeks of thai pleasure.

1. Chipotle (duh) Burrito Bowl - Mmm. It’s like having a Mariachi band cruise down your throat. Choking and dancing your way to death? Now that’s the way to go out.

question of the day via IM

[14:55] s: why is goodnight 1 word but good morning 2 separate words
[14:55] t: GOOD question
[14:55] t haha! im putting that in space
[14:55] t: are you sure about that???
[14:55] s: haha
[14:55] s: not completely
[14:55] s: but sure enough to ask you

Can you answer us please? I’ll give you something free!

got milk.

So I’ve known for awhile that Chris Milk was my favorite music video director, but I didn’t know till now that he really is my favorite music video director. I like to call myself a productive procrastinator. One who melts her anxiety with grand internet research. My method of madness for today was youtubing Mr. Milk’s impressive videography. I was first muted with majesty after watching his work for kanye’s ‘touch the sky’ – a video diamond. And I’ll be real, I was in the most illegal of states (and i don’t mean Nevada) while watching it on my homeboy’s couch, and at first was a little skeptical of dude’s natural brilliance. BUT after 10 sober viewings, I stamped the man as genius. Genius. Now here I am youtubing away, realizing it was him who directed “All Falls Down” & “Jesus Walks”. Did i mention he was my favorite? This below is a hit way across left-field, but a hit nonetheless. Check it out, cause I’ve never seen it before today. It’s a baby born in space.

Gnarls Barkley – “Who’s Gonna Save My Soul”

[photo courtesy of luke wooden]

Packman

I am a fool for package design. Something about strong marketing aesthetics turns me on. To the point where I might substitute my future urn for one of these bad boys:

Oh, and if I were 15, I’d practice fellatio on these beauties too.

Here come the brides.

To motivate and offend with just two solid words is my type of paradox. To hell with patriarchy!

Get em EP!

Am I the only one?

15 minutes ago my father almost lost his life to pork-fried rice. Not because he choked on a sly grain, but because I rapidly shoved past him with a bowl of it. After calling back a squiggly apology I ran down the hallway and finally landed on my destined post. That’s when it hit me. I’m a victim of what is surely the greediest habit of all – toilet seat dining. Damn those erect epiphanies! Always hitting hard like a sack of rocks. Today probably marks the 1000 time I have snacked while chillen on the bowl. And I can’t stop! Is that unhygienic? If so I’m one dirty, fat bitch. I’ve eaten almonds, pasta, ice-cream, and thanksgiving leftovers all while straddling my john. Tell me that’s normal! I know all you people with magazines and phones in your stalls get hungry. Right? Whatever, I’m choosing to believe you’re a dirty, fat bitch too. Hmmf.

Constructive Destruction

Constructive destruction. This aphorism arrives to me as I finish reading a gem worth your paper. It’s titled The Four Agreements and is written by the resplendent hand of Don Miguel Ruiz. I’m actually really late on this considering it’s been on the New York Time’s Best-seller’s List for over 8 years (antique lit for real), but nonetheless, wisdom – both old and new – should be shared.

Ruiz simplifies the complicated, yet comforting truths, I have always sought to distribute. 90% of life is a social construction we agree to accept. Just like animals, humans are domesticated by each other to follow “the rules” of life. However, many archaic beliefs restrict us from removing our social masks and truly fulfilling our own personal needs. When we can’t let go, or manage these agreements, we forfeight ourselves to society. Moreso we learn how to inflict pain on to others and endure it ourselves. All of this comes out of fear and misunderstanding. I can surely make a hefty dissertation out of this, but I’ll pass for now and instead push for pro-activity on your part. I’ve read trucks of books on spirituality, and unlocking self-fulfillment, but this blanks out all rivals. Ruiz suggests that we take on the challenging task of remodeling ourselves against these four agreements: Be impeccable with your word, Don’t take anything personally, Don’t make assumptions, and Always do your best. May sound like cake, but I’m stumbling my way through it. Join my trek towards spiritual world dominance and click your ass here. Afterall, communal play can be mighty.

[!] Cajus, you’re my right hand.